OT: Bush Wins Papal Vote

From: David Mertz <voting-project_at_gnosis_dot_cx>
Date: Sun May 15 2005 - 14:40:56 CDT

I know, totally off-topic, and arguably partisan. But I found this
terribly funny.

   Bush Wins Papal Vote

   Reuters - 24 April 2005 0953 GMT

   VATICAN CITY - In a turn of events that stunned Vatican officials,
   President George W. Bush has been named to succeed John Paul II as the
   next leader of the Catholic Church. For the first time in history, the
   College of Cardinals employed electronic voting machines to select the
   next Supreme Pontiff.

   Bush won by a margin of 2,528 votes, despite the fact that only 115
   Cardinals took part in the process.

   The machines, which were last used in the 2004 Ohio presidential
   election, also registered -27 votes for Democratic candidate John

   "It's a miracle!" cried Kenneth Blackwell, spokesperson for voting
   machine manufacturer Diebold Corporation. "God has spoken."

   Supporters of Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, whom early exit polls had
   leading by a comfortable margin in the voting, demanded a recount.

   But Blackwell said the voting machines, which had been modified to
   a plume of white smoke when a plurality was reached, are unable to
   produce a paper audit trail, rendering a recount impossible.

   When informed of his victory, President Bush expressed surprise. "I
   not aware I was running for the popecy," he said. "I wish people would
   tell me these things."

   However, he added that he would be "honored and privileged to serve as
   Supreme Pontoon for the rest of my natural life, or until I die, which
   ever comes first."

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Received on Tue May 31 23:17:37 2005

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