Re: Draft 3 -- EAC Letter

From: Douglas W. Jones <jones_at_cs_dot_uiowa_dot_edu>
Date: Tue May 11 2004 - 14:47:19 CDT

On May 11, 2004, at 12:54 PM, Alan Dechert wrote:

> I'm not saying this is done - done. I think this is close, however
>
> http://www.openvotingconsortium.org/ad/eac1.pdf
>
>
Page 2, second to last paragraph:

    ... the Research and Development ...

The phrase doesn't need to be capitalized.

Also, there is a rough transition from a general statement about
open source, in paragraphs 1, 2 and 3, to specifics about the
OVC in the paragraphs that follow. Most of paragraph 4 is also
general, but the first sentence "Our approach ..." hints that
we are talking about ourselves. Change this to:

    Open source voting systems could also allow election systems
    from different vendors to provide compatible output. ...

Also, don't capitalize Open Voting except when we are referring
to ourselves.

The real transition to blowing our own horn begins in the last
paragraph of page 1. Make this explicit by starting it with:

    Last month, the Open Voting Consortium gave ...

As it stands, the letter is good enough that I don't object to
seeing my name on it, but I think these patches would help.

                Doug Jones
                jones@cs.uiowa.edu
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Received on Mon May 31 23:17:35 2004

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